The three P’s: Puke, Poop and Pee

Have you heard of the three R’s?? 

If not, that means you are a young’un, so I will tell you.  They are: reading writing and arithmetic.  Now for those of you who have just heard this for the first time I KNOW arithmetic and writing don’t start with “R”, just go with it okay???  I did not make it up, so you can’t blame me…..  if you want to know the origins of the phrase the Three R’s check it out here. So….moving on…


I only referenced the Three R’s to talk about MY version of the three R’s which in my house is known as the three P’s……poop, puke and pee.  Although I have children (human children) the three P’s do not relate to them.  Only on occasions when they are sick, or have had too many hotdogs (The Genius), or scarfed down his food too fast (Joe Cool), or had too much Mountain Dew and Candy (The Hunter).

Max, the pee-er
Max, the pee-er



In my house the 4 legged children are the owners of the Three P’s.  It started years ago……..   When we moved into our current house we had carpeting in three rooms downstairs.  The dining room, the living room and the family room.   Within a short time Karol’s cat Max had peed all over the living room carpet, and so we laid down Pergo (to the tune of $500.00).  Then he peed all over the dining room carpet….Pergo again…($700.00 there………it was a larger room).  Not being satisfied with destroying two rooms already, he moved onto BIGGER territory and destroyed the family room carpeting.  Again, we put down Pergo flooring (BIIIGG room…..$1000.00).  Karol had to hold me back…I wanted that cat’s hide.  But he was her cat, and although I cried, and screamed, and begged….I actually even tried reason alos.  But no matter what I said she just would not give up her cat…….sigh…..and I would not give up her…so therin lies the dilemma.


Okay, back to the present.  So now we have lovely Pergo floors in the downstairs rooms, although my beautiful Karol has not yet COMPLETED the floors, and I still do not have baseboards three years after the Pergo was placed….(if you know my Karol, please ask her to finish my floors…peer pressure might work…)


Dakota, the Poop-er
Dakota, the Poop-er




Well, besides Max the cat we also had a very old German Shepherd (also Karol’s animal) named Dakota.  He lived to be 11, which is ancient for a 115 pound German Shepherd.  Because he was old, he had medical problems of an old dog.. .arthritis, cataracts, bad breath, etc.  Well, a few months before he died he injured his spine, and had to be placed on Prednisone, to reduce swelling, because he couldn’t walk.  So we gave him prednisone and he got laser treatments at the vet and 4 vet visits and $500.00 later he can walk……….however, he was pretty much restricted to the kitchen because it is hard for him to walk on the Pergo floors because they are slippery, and it hurt his hips.  One night after his injury we had steak for dinner and fed the scraps to Dakota and our other dog Bailey (who has also peed in my house)…   BIIIIIG mistake.  For days after we fed it to him, Karol would wake up to the pungent smell of dog poop. Did I mention Dakota is 115 pounds??  Can you imagine the size of the piles???  So like a good partner she picked them up before I woke up. 

The Prednisone made the problem worse, because that caused him to have diarrhea. …nice visual huh?  So, one day I went to school in the morning and came home to a smell I couldn’t quite recognize…..I walked into my kitchen and there was dog poop smeared from one end of the room to the other.  Apparently Dakota had stepped in the poop and spread it all over the room……that was an AMAZING day!!!  It had WIN all over it.  Thank God for my Shark ……..


Emmitt, the Puk-er
Emmitt, the Puk-er




Finally, our last P…Puke.  That P belongs to our cat Emmitt!  Emmitt is my favorite animal.  I really don’t know why except maybe that he is beautiful and sweet and loving….all attributes I like.  So Emmitt is an indoor cat, all of our cats are actually.  Emmitt is not allowed outside, so of course he sneaks out every chance he gets.  We have taken to squirting him with a water bottle if he goes near the door, so he can’t dash out the minute it is opened.  Well, there are times no one seems to notice him and he escapes and starts gobbling grass.   He is almost always retrieved quickly, (4 kids, remember…..), and brought back in.  However, usually within one hour he is making this horrible yowling noise which is immediately followed by him puking up the grass he just happily gobbled…….LOVELY! 

This post is VERY visually appealing, isn’t it…..??


So, when I came home from school the day of the poop spread from one end of the kitchen to the other, was the same day there were two puddles of puke, one on my persian rug from Iran, and one in the foyer….AND Max had peed on the bathroom rugs, and I had to throw them away, as I had already tried to wash them from the last time he peed on them……sigh….


Our other animals have also contributed to the stains in our home:



Bailey- he also poops and pees inside, but NEVER pukes…..yet


So this is Bailey…he has pooped on the floor multiple times, peed on the chair he is laying in and on the couch (always when he is napping, so I think he has a bedwetting problem…can dogs be bedwetters?)  And he has done something no one else has done….chewed a hole in the carpeting on the stairs all the way down to the wooden floor….isn’t that special?????


This is Ash.  He has actually never puked in the house, or peed or pooped anywhere except the litter box


rascalThis is the baby, Rascal.  He has puked, but never pooped or peed anywhere he shouldn’t.  Good boy!!

Anyone need a new pet?  I have some I MIGHT be willing to part with….but not Emmitt!!!!









One thought on “The three P’s: Puke, Poop and Pee

    1. I hear you Madge. We have decided as each one passes away, we are not going to replace them. We would like less animals too, but we are in for at least 8 more years with a couple of them, longer for the rest.

  1. I hear you, all 5 cats are mine, the two dogs are mine. After the cats peed on the floor the dog started peeing on the floor. Goodbye carpet, hello Pergo. Good bye ruined Pergo, hello Vinyl plank. Yep lots of $$$$$. Floors are not finished yet but half way. It is a love hate relationship, Love my animals and hate that they have “accidents” in the house.

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