September 1, 2014 | Coffee, Clutter and Chaos

10 things you should NEVER say to a gay Parent!

So I have read a few funny posts lately about “if latinos said the things white people say” and if “asians said the things white people say.” Also, things you shouldn’t say to a lesbian, or a gay dad, and I decided to add my own list of things you shouldn’t say to people. Specifically gay people. Even more specifically gay parents.

Now admittedly some of these things would not necessarily apply to me personally, but I still think they should be on the list, because, the list. So here is my list of things you should never say to a gay parent:

1. Are you worried your son/daughter will become gay?

Are you just fucking with me, or did you really mean that? Ummm, I don’t know, are you worried your kid will grow up to be straight? Hmmm, now let’s think about this for a minute. First of all, both of my parents were straight and I am not, so I guess people just are what they are?

2. What do your kids call you?

Well, my kids call me mom. What do your kids call you? To be honest our family is a blended family so my bio kids call me mom and call my partner by her first name, and vice versa. If all of our kids were our bio kids I am sure they are smart enough o be able to tell us apart. So mom/mommy or mom/mama or mom/mum, any combination of the words could be used. Or you could simply notice that your kid is looking at you and speaking to you to know they are addressing you. That could make it easier. Dumbass.

3. Are you worried people will tease your kid because you are gay?

Well, to be honest this has crossed my mind, but when I really think about it kids are teased all the time by their peers. For anything. Having braces, having glasses, their clothes, whatever. So should I not have kids because they might get teased? If that was the case nobody would have kids. Ever.

4. Does your child miss out on doing “dad” things?

I am sure my face would contort if someone asked me this. Really? “Dad” things? I am not sure I even know what a “dad” thing is , but if you are implying that somehow I or my partner are incapable of doing “male gendered” things you are crazy as hell. Although I suppose it would be rather difficult for us to spell our names in the snow by peeing (due to not having the ability to spray our urine away from our body..), there isn’t anything else I can think of that is “male gendered” that one of us cannot or has not already done. Throw a ball? Check. Change a car tire? Check. Take care of the lawn? Check. Teach my son to tie a tie? Check. Fix a helicopter? Double Check. Done.

5. Along the same lines as #4. “Which one of you is the Dad?”

Well, dipshit, neither of us is the dad. We are both moms. Because we were both married to men before we fell in love our kids do have a dad they know and spend time with, but this is not always the case for same-sex parents. Sometimes babies are born to gay couples. I know that may amaze some people, but two women and two men can adopt a baby, or use a surrogate to have a baby or use a sperm donor to have a baby. LOTS of advances in medical science over the past 100 years can give people all kinds of ways to “get” a baby. That is just as bad as asking us “which one of you is the man?” Umm, neither, we are both women. Enough said.

6. (Similar to #1, but it still gets asked believe it or not) Will you be upset if your kids turn out to be straight?

Well, I suppose if our kids turn out to be straight we will clearly decide to never speak to them again, kick them out of the house and tell them they are an abomination because they have “chosen” to be something “different” than us. Yup, that about sums it up. No of course not. Our kids can be whatever they want to be or are born to be. They are who they are, and we love them no matter what.

7. Sometimes my husband and I just don’t get along. It must be great to be with a woman.

Of course, because the fact that we both have the same XX chromosomes make us inherently more able to get along. Are you kidding me? We have kids! We fight! We have jobs and are tired. We fight! We are crabby! We fight! I will say that we don’t fight as much as we used to, but that isn’t because we are both women. It is because we have grown into a comfortable place in our relationship and know when to not push the others’ buttons.

8. “I didn’t know you were gay, you look so straight.”

Hmmmmm, that one has come up before. Even though I have heard it many times, it just stops me dead in my tracks every time. I will admit that I have countered that one with, “Thanks, I tried my best to do that this morning before I left the house. Were you trying to look stupid?” Now I admit that wasn’t a very nice thing to say, but it did get my point across, and led to a conversation about what an ignorant thing that was to say, and an opportunity to retrain someone’s way of thinking. Even if they didn’t “get” it, I am pretty sure they won’t ever say that to someone else again.

9. “Wow, you are so brave.”

Well, thanks. I did calmly put that spider outside the other day and came within 5 inches of it. Oh, and I attended my kids high school graduation. Oh and I had the “talk” with all 4 kids about the birds and bees. Wait, you meant because I am with a woman and raising kids? That doesn’t make me brave. That makes me a moron. I knowingly got into a relationship that a great many people in the world not only frown on but outright kill people because of, AND we decided to blend our families which is difficult with straight families, let alone families with same sex parents. That was NOT brave, it was crazy! But it has turned out to be the best thing I ever did! For me AND my kids.

10. Do you think your kids will turn out okay?’

As opposed to what? Becoming ax murderers, or bigots? I think every kid everywhere has a chance to be great or not so great. Part of that is HOW they are parented, not by WHOM they are parented. Part of that is the kid’s own personality, self motivation, work ethic, etc. Part of that is simply chance Life is crazy and random. You never know what is around the next corner or what opportunities may be presented to you. My kids have the same possibility of greatness or failure as every other kid out there and that has NOTHING to do with my sexuality.

So that is my list of 10 things you should never say to a gay parent. This list can also easily be adapted to single gay people as well. Please feel free to educate others on this topic because you never know who may suddenly realize they are not who they thought they were, or have friends who realize the same thing.

If you would like to add anything to my list, or comment on questions you have been asked that you wish had never been uttered please feel free to share them!

A great way to send flowers: The Bouqs review

When I started blogging more regularly I had to start wading through quite a few emails from companies asking me to review their product, or that they wanted to feature my blog on their site, etc. Most of them were not the types of businesses I wanted to work with and a couple were outright frauds, but I received a very entertaining email from a guy named Adam Meyer, who is a marketing guy for The Bouqs flower company.

Of course like any other offer I get I research the company, and the more I researched, the more I liked. First of all I found this very entertaining video, and anything that entertains me scores big points!

The email was also very clever and entertaining…more points. But the real points were earned when I read about their company. The Bouqs is a company that was started because ordering flowers online is not always what it appears to be. Prices start out okay, but skyrocket when you add in shipping and the cost of the vase? Seriously I don’t need any more vases. I usually end up giving them away. Why pay for something I give away? For most of them the starting prices are around 40.00…..and can go way up from there. When the flowers arrive they are dead or wilted and don’t last a long time.

The Bouqs is different. Prices start at $40.00, but that is THE price! FREE shipping with weekday deliveries in the United States, and the BEST part for me was that the flowers are cut and shipped within a day of cutting So they don’t come from a refrigerated warehouse. They come from the farm on the side of a volcano! Yes, I said volcano. AND the farms are Eco friendly and sustainable. I did not see that they are “fair trade” farms, but when I googled the farm my flowers came from I was equally impressed with it. They are certified with the Rainforest Alliance, which is an “international nonprofit organization that works to conserve biodiversity and ensure sustainable livelihoods” Way to go The Bouqs!! I love who you do business with!! My flowers were shipped from Fiorentina flowers in Ecuador. They have a Fiorentina Flowers Facebook page, as does The Bouqs.

So back to the flowers.

I chose this bouquet to send to my beautiful Karol:

I asked for them to be delivered on a Friday, and they were. They arrived on time, and were shipped very securely:

I opened them very carefully. They stems were encased in a gel like substance to keep them moist I am sure. I carefully unpacked them:

so pretty. Just like the picture from the website!

I counted 27 roses in all! The leaves were in good shape, as were the flowers. They had a nice fragrance, and I loved the flowers that were shipped with them as an “accent” flower.

Now I am NOT great at arranging flowers, but when I finished cutting the stems at an angle and placing them in TWO vases this is what I ended up with:

So pretty! I was very pleased with the quality of the flowers, the ease in purchasing them and the price of $40.00 !!

Together:

The flowers lasted about 9 days. Although to be honest if I had changed the water in the vases they may have lasted longer. I just put them in the composter this morning. They arrived on 5 September. Not bad for $40.00. Of course I did get mine for free, but if I had paid the $40.00 I would still have been satisfied!

Please check out The Bouqs! Great company doing business with eco-friendly sustainable farms in South America!

I highly recommend them!!! To get to their website just click on the Bouq on my website. And for transparency for every click through and order, I receive a check from them as The Bouqs affiliate!!! So thanks for that and I am sure you will love your flowers as much as we did!

Disclosure: My Bouq was received for review purposes. No compensation was received for this post and all opinions are my own.

I used the leaked celebrity nudes of Jennifer Lawrence and others to teach my kids about internet security.

A few days ago nude pictures of celebrities such as Jennifer Lawrence, Ariana Grande, Victoria Justice, Kim Kardashian, Rihanna, Kate Upton, Lea Michele, Kirsten Dunst, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and others showed up online. I happened to see them on a friends’ Twitter account. When I saw them, I was like, “no way those are real.” But apparently they were.

As the facts of the story emerged it appears a hacker with the name of “OriginalGuy” hacked his way into cloud storage and stole these pictures and then proceeded to put them out for mass viewing. In fact, it seems as though he alleges he has hundreds, if not thousands more pictures and he will be leaking them out over time.

While some celebrities such as Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton admitted the pictures were authentic they were obviously and rightly outraged that their private information was splattered all over the internet, others denied the authenticity of the photos and told their fans the photos were faked. These photos were private and personal. They belonged to the owners of the photos and no one else. Except of course anyone they chose to share them with, if they did. Someone breaking into your storage and stealing your private property is no different if it is photos or computers, or jewelry, or anything else you own and maintain in a private place.

I remember when my oldest child (who is now 22) got her first phone with a camera. Her mother and I repeatedly cautioned her about taking inappropriate pictures of herself (revealing or nudes) and keeping them on her phone. We explained that people could get your images off of your phone. We warned her against sending nudes to anyone because once out there, they may end up in places you don’t want them. Even if deleted, they are still accessible. In fact actress Mary Winstead commented, “To those of you looking at photos I took with my husband years ago in the privacy of our home, hope you feel great about yourselves.” She went on to say that the photos had been deleted years ago. Yet somehow they were still available to be hacked??

Thank you Ms. Winstead. You just made my point!

Once these photos have been taken and stored anywhere they are potentially available ANY time someone wants to use their skills to hack and steal them. Now while I will admit that the likelihood that someone will want to hack and steal nudes of my kids is low, it is still possible. Nudes are nudes. They fetch high prices. Someone out there might want nudes of people, famous or not.

My first reaction to this was: “So don’t take nude pictures on your phone.” And for goodness sakes, if you do, don’t share them or store them anywhere. In fact some people have argued that people have the right to take nude photos of themselves and expect privacy just as women have the right to wear short skirts in public and not expect to be harassed or ogled or touched. While I agree that they should have complete agency over their own bodies, once that agency is shared with others you are at their mercy as to how those photos can be used in a negative way.

So don’t give your agency away.

If you must take nude photos of yourself because after all it is your body and you have that right, then go for it! But please keep them just for your own enjoyment. If you want to share them with someone, the do so by showing them the pictures on your phone while holding it in your hand. Don’t send them to someone via the internet. Don’t send them to someone via your phone service provider .

The internet is not as secure as some would think. Cloud storage is not as secure (apparently) as we would like it to be. My home is not as secure as I would like it to be. Thieves are out there. Given an opportunity and a motive some people will steal and do nefarious things with the stolen property. This is the way of the world.

Should that stop you from living your life? Absolutely not! But it should make you aware to take precautions with the things you value, or that could potentially cause you embarrassment or anger if shared. Be smart about your security and your private information. Hopefully this horrible situation will give people cause to think about their actions and their internet security and how they choose to share and store private information and pictures.

Maybe my kids will take some of the lessons I tried to teach them about internet security and sharing private things with people to heart. If anything good can come from this unfortunate situation I hope it is that people (including my kids) will be more aware of how little security the internet has, and be mire cautious of the information and photos they choose to share.

Monthly Archives: September 2014

Disclosure: My Bouq was received for review purposes. No compensation was received for this post and all opinions are my own.