Category Archives: Family

Bully sticks- bull pizzle

Recently I was dog sitting for a friend and noticed a chew treat called a bully stick on the counter. The dog I was watching is a puppy and finished his last little piece of rawhide, so I gave him the bully stick. He really liked it and I was intrigued.

We don’t give Bailey The Dog rawhide treats because Karol doesn’t think it is safe for dogs to have that, so I am always on the lookout for a chew that isn’t rawhide (which is basically just leather) that I think Bailey The Dog will enjoy.

In the next few days I went to the pet store to get a new litter box and saw the bully sticks by the front door. So to make sure we weren’t just giving him cow skin I looked at the ingredients. There was ONE ingredient listed: bull pizzle. So Bully sticks- bull pizzle

I was like, “what the heck is bull pizzle?” So I asked the clerk if he knew what bull pizzle was and he said no. Now at this point in the story I need to say that I am glad that I didn’t just google it right then and there. Often I just ask Siri if I have a question, but thankfully my hands were full carrying the new litter box so I didn’t pull out my phone and ask Siri. And do you know WHY I am so glad I didn’t ask…….(wait for it)

 

Bull Pizzle is bull PENIS!!!!! Yes you read that right….bull PENIS!!

So basically the butcher killed the bull, made some steak, made some hamburger, then cut off his penis and stuck in in the drying machine and sold it as a dog treat?!?!! I am going to put a picture of a Bully Stick right here. And this picture is a dog with it in his mouth so you can get an idea of the dimensions of exactly how long a bully stick is……

 

I mean I am a city girl, definitely NOT a country girl, but it never occurred to me that a bull penis could be so long…….

Well, needless to say, poor Bailey probably won’t be getting a bully stick to chew on. I guess he will have to be satisfied with his Dentastix for now…..

Happy day y’all!!

 

 

Love is what makes a family!

A few years ago I wrote a blog about how my oldest son Zachary wrote a paper for English when he was 15. In the paper he wrote that he thought his “gay mom was cool”. In the years that have passed since I wrote that blog post (he is now 20) a LOT has happened.  Some good, some not so good and some great!

When my partner Karol and I first decided to blend our families together, we definitely had concerns. We were concerned about what the kids would think,  about Karol’s job (she was on Active Duty in the era of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell), about what the community would think, about what our families would think (her family didn’t know), among others. What we found were that some of those concerns were very valid, and some weren’t as big a deal as we thought they would be.

Where it all started

Where it all started

When we came together as a family our kids were 13, 11, 8 and 6. Our main concern was the oldest, as she had already started rebelling and was NOT happy about another adult in her life “telling her what to do”. The boys were not as complicated and didn’t seem to care at all.

First family vacation 2007...the girl refused to get in the photo....

First family vacation 2007…the girl refused to get in the photo….

Fast forward 14 years. The kids are now 24, 22, 20 and 17. Looking back on the way our family has evolved I can tell you there were some good years and some not so good years.  Our daughter did end up moving in with her dad for a few years to avoid “a new adult telling her what to do”, and that ended up being a disaster. Her father was a very ineffective parent and even though Katarina was living with him, Karol still ended up doing most of the parenting. AND she was having to do it while her ex husband AND his wife were working against her.  Those were some of the not so good years. Then she ended up having to come live with us her senior year because her father “didn’t want to deal with her crap anymore”, and that was another not so good year.

All the kids Christmas 2008

All the kids Christmas 2008

The boys never really gave us the same problems, and living with them was not perfect, but definitely not as problematic as with our daughter.

All of us in 2010. Photo courtesy of Leila Wylie.

All of us in 2010. Photo courtesy of Leila Wylie.

However, even in all of that drama and family conflict we had lots and lots of fun! We vacationed together, and laughed and played, and went to high school graduations, and proms, and all of the things many many other families do.

As I have talked more with other parents about our family struggles I have come to realize that LOTS of other families had trouble with one or more of their kids. And not just gay families, but straight families too. And not just step families, but also all biological families. And not just girls or the oldest, or the whatever.

ALL families have some complications, or stress, or a kid that acts out, or fails a grade, or smokes weed, or gets in trouble at school, or cracks up the car, or rebels, or a million other things that kids do and families deal with. Death, divorce, drama, fights, sorrows, joys, etc.

I guess my point is that ALL families are essentially more the same than different. So during this week of PRIDE I want to say that what I have learned in the past 14 years of raising my family, is that we are the same as a million other families out there. The fact that this family has two moms does not really play much of a part in it. Because in the end what truly makes a family a family is the love we have for each other and that we work together to overcome obstacles and dealing with “stuff”.  A family is not about biology, but about love!

And to be honest, my “family” is much more than my partner and kids! I have people in my life I call my “chosen” family. Women I consider sisters, men I consider brothers, and many kids I love to pieces!!

They are my family, and I am so blessed to have them!!

Because what it boils down to is that:

When you have to walk away from a toxic friendship

I have had some amazing friends in my life.  I have also had some NOT so amazing friends in my life. And I have had friends who started out being amazing, but then the friendship fizzles. Many times with a new friendship you see a promising future, and somehow, something happens that pulls the rug out from under you and you have a sudden realization that it just wasn’t meant to be.

Or sometimes you need to break up with a friend.  I had to do that. I had to break up with a friend I had for many many years. It wasn’t pleasant and I avoided it for a long time because we had been friends for so long I just didn’t know how to part ways without it becoming ugly or bitter. In fact, in writing this it has occurred to me that I have been through a few friendship break ups. So I guess the question that came to me next is:   why do I need to break up with my friend? And what happens when you have to walk away from a toxic friendship?

A friendship breakup can be even more devastating than a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend.  Sometimes we have been even more emotionally intimate with our friend than our lover/boyfriend/girlfriend, and so the loss of the friendship seems to cut a little deeper.

But as I think about it more, I realize that I have usually been the one to end the friendship.  Every time I have had to do that it has been because what was at first a wonderful, loving, friendship ended up being toxic to me. Let me explain.

Picture found on www.xojane.com

Picture found on www.xojane.com

I am an empath. Because of that people usually feel very comfortable talking to me about deeply personal things. Even when they don’t know me well. They tell me really intimate details of their lives without me even asking.  Something about me makes people feel comfortable and able to talk openly.

This has never been a burden and I have always been happy to be that person someone feels comfortable sharing with, however, occasionally it has resulted in a friendship that starts out great, but I soon realize that the friendship is toxic.  In one case I had a very close friend who I realized was toxic when I thought about all of the kind and loving things I had done for her and her family, but the love and kindness was never reciprocated.  The final straw was when she asked me about something someone else had told me in confidentiality and I refused to breach that trust. She just “had to know” and wouldn’t let it go. I finally realized that she would never give up asking for the information and I would never share it and break that trust, ….ever…..so I had to walk away. That one really hurt because we had mutual friends, and had been very very close for about quite a few years.

I think the most painful part of a breakup is the loss of what could have been.

picture found on pinterest

picture found on pinterest

But probably even worse than the previous breakup was one I went through about a year ago. It was a friendship that I thought would be amazing for my life and my family’s life.  I had invested a LOT of time and finances into the relationship and had gifted her and her family thousands of dollars. We were even talking about starting a business together and she had asked me to be on the board of her 501c.3 corp.  It started going downhill after she and her family came to stay at my home for a week and we sent them home with a truck full of goods as well as cash to get home. (approximately $500.00) This was after we had given them $1000.00 to go from their home across the country for a family funeral, and helped pay for vehicle repairs (900.00), groceries, hotel stays, etc. for a total cost of about $4000.00 over the span of about 12 months.  After they left I didn’t hear from her for almost two months (and prior to that I had spoken on the phone or via skype with her at least two to three times a week.) When I finally heard back after multiple attempts to reach her over that two months I were told “not to worry”, she had been “busy”, and could I give her $500.00 to help with some vehicle repairs. I said no, and the friendship began to unravel…..quickly…   I was accused of not caring, trying to trick her, lying to her, etc etc etc….. it just got uglier and uglier. I eventually had to block her from my FB, my phone, and my email.

That was an awful loss for myself and my family! I had a lot of dreams wrapped into that friendship both personally and professionally.  I actually cried for a week after I realized I had to walk away.

So I guess the bottom line is that friendships do break up, and they can be even more painful that a romantic relationship breakup.  I think we always know when it is time to move on, but we are sometimes reluctant to end a friendship.

Nontoxic people can become toxic.  Friendships can change  and become unhealthy. We can change. Friends can change. Sometimes we just have to walk away.  There are many different reasons we have to break up with a friend, but my advice is to always listen to your heart and gut and do what is best for you and your life.