Category Archives: My kids

No more Mother’s Day celebrations for me

A few weeks ago one of my classmates was giving a presentation about Valentine’s day and how it actually started, and offered a unique perspective on Valentine’s Day.  She suggested we should all start ignoring it.  She felt as though Valentine’s day is gendered in such a way that it is really about women, and men getting stuff for women, etc.  In fact, she stated that when she went to the store during Valentine’s Day season (which starts in the stores on January 2nd), she had a difficult time finding anything to buy her boyfriend, and that there aren’t many options for women to buy their guys, or even guys to buy for their guys.  There just isn’t very much available to purchase for men. I told her Karol and I had stopped doing Valentine’s Day years ago because I felt it was so commercialized.

During the discussion, one of my classmates who is just a few years younger than me told us that she had stopped “doing” Mother’s Day years ago.  She felt that she didn’t want her children to feel “obligated” to appreciate her one day per year, and would prefer that they appreciate her whenever the mood struck them.  That intrigued me.

So I came home and announced to my boys that I would no longer be celebrating Mother’s Day and they should feel no obligation to buy me stuff, or cook me food, or be especially nice to me on this one day a year, but instead, should appreciate me at any time.  If they see something that makes them think of me they can just get it for me, or if they just want to give me a hug, do so, or if they just want to make me feel appreciated, any day is a great day for that, not just one day a year.

Bio kid 1

Bio kid 1- Zachary

bio kid #2- Jacob

bio kid #2- Jacob

Stepkid-Brandon

Stepkid-Brandon

They seemed to dig it, and interestingly the next week, my oldest son, (who works at Starbucks) called me to ask me what I would like for him to bring me home since he was leaving work and heading home.  That was nice, and made my heart sing.

Of course, my first thought was, “Hmmm, he wants something….”  But you know what?  He didn’t want anything.  He just wanted to be nice to his mama.

But Mother’s Day is not a happy day for everyone. What about the mother’s who lost their children?  For those mothers, the day can be filled with sadness, and a sense of loss.  Or women who are unable to have children? I have quite a few friends who have lost children and my heart goes out to them every day, but especially on Mother’s Day.  For those who have lost children, but also have some with them still, it must be truly a bittersweet day indeed.

So in the future, we will not be celebrating Mother’s Day for me.  I am fortunate that I have raised three children who are considerate human beings, and think of their mother (and stepmama) all year, and let me know that I am loved.

For all of the rest of you mothers, you have to do what works best and feels right for you, but it definitely is something to consider…..asking your loved ones to honor and be appreciative all year instead of just one day….

birthmom

My kids think I am always angry with them……what??????

So yesterday was a pretty exciting day for me.  Some of my classmates in my women’s studies classes are also in a class about Feminism and the Media. In this class, they created Zines, which are like handcrafted, smaller version of a magazine. According to Wikipedia a Zine is a: small circulation self-published work of original or appropriated texts and images usually reproduced via photocopier.  I was really having a tough day, (which shall be saved for another conversation) and I wanted to drown my sorrows in pizza.  So I asked my family if they would go to eat pizza with me, but we had to stop at Old Dominion University first to go to the”Zine Launch Party”. 

Of course Joe Cool (the newly minted 18 year old) was reluctant and didn’t really want to go to the Zine Launch Party, but the lure of pizza was too great, and he said yes.  The Genius (who in really into alternative music, Tumblr, and all things creative) wanted to see the Zines and eat pizza, so he said yes.  Karol just wanted to hang out with me, so she said yes before anyone else answered me back. I texted my request to them (yes I text my kids during school hours), and so I had their responses back in time to make plans. 

That is all a backdrop to the reason we were all in the car together traveling from home to ODU where an interesting conversation took place.

Somehow we started talking about how I texted them my request, and waited for an answer back from them.  Which led to a discussion about me texting them requests for things.  Both of my kids said that they felt like my texts were “angry texts” and that I was always pissed off when I texted them.  Or that my texts were snarky.  This really puzzled me, so of course I asked them why they thought that.

Their answer:……

They said I sound angry when I text because I use punctuation in my texts………?????????????

This really confused me…..

Because what annoys me about texting THEM is:

textiquette #1

Okay, first of all,  I would NEVER punch my kids…..(shhhhhhhhh)

But beyond that, they think I am angry because I use punctuation….????

Actually they said they said because I use periods.  And complete sentences…..

So apparently commas, questions marks and exclamation points are okay, but periods are not…….damn those periods!!!

I was like, “hmm, well, I am NOT mad, but I can understand that texting is difficult to always know the texter’s emotions”

So I suppose I need to use more emojis and smiley faces with them?

emojis

I will say I do NOT use text slang.  Never have, never will.  I always spell everything out and use proper words and grammar.  So I guess my questions to you are:

Do you use text slang?  Do you use proper words and punctuation?  and the biggest one:

Do periods at the end of sentences in texting make you think the texter is angry????? Do you think I am angry texting?

Please help me understand their logic that I don’t understand……..do you????

This is the plight of the mama in this house…..

#womenslives

The wisdom of my kids?????

I live in a household with three male adolescents.  Three teenaged boys.

I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience with adolescent male children, all I can tell you is that my male adolescent children like to:

Talk. About.  Their.  Junk.

And by junk I mean they like to talk about their penis’, testicles, scrotums, etc.  They joke about the size of their junk, the usage of their junk, and the importance of their junk.  This is an almost daily occurrence.  Sigh…….

I suppose in one way of looking at it, that is a good thing.  It means Karol and I have a household where the boys feel free to express themselves and are comfortable talking about sexuality and condoms, and their bodies.  It means we have open communication and we are raising boys who are able to talk to us about anything.

On the other hand, it can lead to conversations like this:

Me: (at the dinner table speaking to the oldest boy)  “Dude, whenever you stand up your pants are sagging.  Pull your pants up”
Oldest Boy: “I pulled them up before I sat down.  You know, what goes up must come down.”
Middle Boy: (from the other room):  “Just like a boner.”

Youngest Boy starts laughing hysterically.

Annnddd there you have it folks.
Welcome to my world.

molerat